Did you ever say that to your spouse? Have you ever thought that to yourself and then come up with another reason not to have a romantic evening, quickie, or a little fun with your spouse? Well, if you have then you are in the over 50% of women who have put off a roll in the hay, even if they were in the mood because they felt fat or uncomfortable with their bodies.
It is so sad to say, but I am in that 50%. Why? I have no freaking idea!! I am not fat, but feel fat, bloated, hairy, lumpy, bumpy, old, and just not very woman like most times. I wish I could get past my feelings, but just am having a hard time lately. I didn’t used to be like this. There was a time I could run around the house naked, and at the drop of a dime I was ready to go, lights on, in the yard, on the kitchen counter, in a car, at the beach…where ever!! I thought once I hit my 40’s I would be in my prime.. but my mind won’t leave me alone!
There is a great book out that covers this exact issue. It is called “Not Tonight Dear I Feel Fat”. Perfect huh ? LOL!! Sex expert Michael Alvear talks about ways to help women shed negative feelings of self consciousness about their bodies, heal relationships and learn how to enjoy a roll in the hay without worrying about how they look.
I have the book in hand, but life is so busy that I haven’t had a chance to even open it up. I have to find the time, because I think this book could really help me. Do you have this issue? Have you read this book? Maybe you need to grab a copy and let it help you.
Here are some tips from Michael ~
8 Surprising Findings from Recent Research
· Your weight isn’t the problem – it’s the perception of your weight. Regardless of size, women with negative body image reported much lower arousal levels that those with positive self-judgments (Study: Rutgers University).
· Women also vastly overestimate how thin men want them to be. When women are asked to select their ideal body shape from a range of options, their preferences are universally thinner than shapes men pick. (Study: Journal of Abnormal Psychology)
- Sexual competence builds body confidence. Women who consider themselves “good in bed” report far less anxiety, even when researchers held their weight constant. Feeling good about what your body can do is the first step to feeling good about your body.
· Women consistently overestimate their body size—often by 25% or more (Study: Ohio State University). When you’re looking in the mirror, apply the 25% margin of error. Your butt just got 1/4 smaller than you thought.
- Get active, then get frisky. Exercise doesn’t just affect your abs. It also raises hormones linked with arousal—estrogen, prolactin, and, cortisol—particularly 30 min. after the workout. Plan your sexy evening before hitting the gym, to make the most of its effect (Study: University of Texas).
· Develop erotic cues. From smelling your favorite aftershave to having a heart-to-heart talk, developing a mental connection between a stimulus and sex triggers your body to raise libido.
- Speak up. Being still, quiet and passive are ways of withdrawing from activity—leaving nothing left to focus on but your body. The secret to managing your mind is bed is to be active: talk, engage, exchange. Move so you can stop being a sight to see and be a force to be felt.
· Fantasize first. Just imagining a positive sexual encounter raised women’s testosterone levels—and libido (Study: University of Michigan). Fantasize your way out of your appearance anxiety. Go light or go Fifty Shades of Grey, but go. Inhabiting new people and situations makes you far less likely to focus on your thighs.
After reading those, do you think this book is for you? I am seriously going to read it!!
Body image is just that, an image. I am always telling others that I work with on fitness and diet stuff that if they feel good and are confident then others see them in a different light. Just how one see’s someone they don’t know. If you meet someone, and they have a crabby look on their face you assume they are a crabby person. But, if you meet someone and they have a smile, you think.. boy they look like a person I would like to be around. So, I am thinking, if I start running around the house naked again and being ok with who I am and how I look then I will have to maybe beat my husband off me with a bat. LOL! Ok.. I would want to do that.. but you get the idea I am trying to get across, right 😉
Get the book for yourself here ~
Disclaimer ~ Living Smart Girl received a book in exchange for a review post. All opinions are 100% Living Smart Girl’s.